There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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