sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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