Define "chronic" masturbator.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My ass is underappreciated
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
