Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
