I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
