so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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