He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
im on a boat
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