I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
