its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
