it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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