I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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