i already hear my dad disowning me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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