dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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