He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
