Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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