Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
