I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
