Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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