i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
