Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
