Dual....:-)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
