It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
