So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
