Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
