I'm jealous of your bromance
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
