I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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