end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
