You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
