She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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