She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
