my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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