Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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