I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
