my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
