i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
