You made me cry and you don't even care
Already got asked if we're dating
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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