Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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