the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Please don't give away my fajitas
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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