It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
