I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
