why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
