you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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