Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im six kinds of drunk right now
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
