I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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