he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
