he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
