After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She told me I should be a condom model.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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