Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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