We won't sleep together?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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