But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
