wanna go halves on a baby?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
