What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
