some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
