I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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