and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
