bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
