i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
