He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
