wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
