Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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