The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
