When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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