So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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