After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
