I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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