I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
