I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
