Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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