I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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