Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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