The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
