Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
