You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
