i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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