He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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