I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize