I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
